Dreaming of Tomorrow Read online

  Then there were times Mae realized Pete was gone and mourned him deeply, sitting quietly in the living room staring at his empty chair, tears in her eyes. It was hard to comfort Mae at those times, but they passed relatively quickly.

  Finally there were the days when Mae was not only petulant but also filled with paranoia. On those days, she would protest anything Julia or Emily tried to do for her. She would scream that she was being murdered during her bath, and beaten when one of them tried to remove her shoes and socks.

  At one point a social worker, called by a neighbor who’d heard the screaming, came knocking on the door to investigate charges of senior abuse. Mae was thankfully having a good day when the social worker came around.

  The hardest days for Emily, though, were thankfully rare. These were the days when she still thought she was twenty-five. She kept begging Emily to take her to see her parents. In reality, they were long since dead. On these days, her ‘youth days’ as Emily called them, the town seemed unfamiliar and changed. Nothing was the way she remembered it.

  It could be funny too, and Emily learned you had to either laugh or cry. It was on one of those days that Emily took Mae to Disneyland, where they had annual passes. She took Mae quite often since the park seemed to cheer her up and still fit in with her childlike moods.

  At one point, Mae was getting on a ride and she told the young ride attendant, “We always go to the other Disneyland.”

  “The one in Orlando?” the attendant asked pertly. “Disneyworld?

  “No, the Disneyland in Anaheim,” Mae said firmly.

  “But this is Anaheim.” The girl seemed puzzled.

  “No!” Mae said indignantly. “The other Anaheim.”

  “I need a break,” the girl said weakly as Emily laughed.

  There was also the time when Emily took Mae to a local aquarium to walk around and see the fish. When they got home, Mae snuck out of the house and walked over to visit the neighbor next door. The neighbor called Emily and told her Mae was there.

  “I hear you had a busy day.” She laughed. “Mae told me you drove her to Russia!”

  Emily just laughed until her ribs hurt.

  Another time Mae thought her fiancé, Pete, would arrive home from Hawaii where he was stationed during World War II. He’d get home any day now, and they planned to go to Las Vegas to get married. These days tore Emily up inside because there was little she could do to comfort or reassure Mae. Nothing she could find to bring her back to the present. On these days, taking Mae out either to the amusement park, shopping, or to a movie seemed to cheer her up but only a little.

  For Emily though, the movies turned into a strange double feature. Emily saw one movie, and then listened patiently as Mae described the movie she saw.

  After one popular space movie Mae said loudly, “I really thought those were the most beautiful horses, didn’t you?”

  “I didn’t see any horses, Mom,” Emily muttered.

  “You were probably too busy watching the sex scenes,” Mae said with a trace of bitterness in her tone.

  “There weren’t any sex scenes, Mom.” Emily pointed out, “It was a movie aimed at all ages, even kids.”

  “No sex scenes?” Mae exclaimed indignantly. “Then why did we even go?”

  Emily laughed in spite of herself, but a part of her wondered if she had just gotten a small glimpse of a part of her mother’s nature that she had not known about. She had always known her mother and father had a close relationship, but this one remark seemed to hint at a lusty nature that she had never associated with her mom.

  Added to the stress was the joyful but stressful move out to David’s house, and the job of dealing with her father’s will and estate. She knew David was buried in his own legal practice, so she told him she would have the attorney who had drawn up the will handle the estate, although he did help her as much as he could. Her friends Kate, Laura and Lanie helped her with the move, along with their kids and husbands.

  David was by her side as often as he could during this stressful period, but he was in the middle of several very serious negotiations, some of which he had already pushed back to help Emily. Now, to catch up, there were days and even evenings that he had to work. He managed to get home and eat dinner with Emily, Julia and Mae almost every night, except for a few days when he had to go out of town.

  Kate and Laura came by as often as they could, sometimes bringing their husbands and kids. In spite of Mae’s condition she was always good around the kids. Nicole came over, usually alone, but sometimes bringing a date. One of the dates she brought was David’s law partner; the wedding was having a side effect, it seemed.

  David took Emily out whenever he could, almost as if they were still dating. There were romantic dinners in the finest restaurants and quick meals from the drive-thru. They played pool and went to the movies, and also went riding, dancing, and swimming. Those dates were the brightest spots in Emily’s world.

  Her fitness program seemed to be stalled temporarily as the stress and grief of her father’s loss made it harder for her to get motivated to workout. The added stress also increased her hunger and caused her to crave comfort foods, so sweets and breads went back on her menu and her weight began to go up. It wasn’t a big gain, but it was noticeable and her new clothes started getting too tight. As a result, some of her old clothes came out of the closet. She started to feel sluggish, just not quite right. Even her monthly cycle became irregular.

  With Nicole’s help and prodding Emily kept working out, and slowly she began to feel like herself again. She even managed to control her hunger most of the time. She still never weighed herself, but Nicole measured her every four weeks. Nicole never told Emily what her measurements were, just how much she had lost or gained in her bust, waist, hips, and thighs.

  One night, about six weeks later, David and Emily went out to dinner. After they ate they went home but they weren’t ready to just go in and watch TV. The evening was warm and the moon was full. Emily went onto the house and pulled on a pair of shorts and they took the horses out on a moonlit trail ride. They stopped several times along the way to kiss each other, leaning from one horse to another.

  “Emily, remember what you wanted to try doing on horseback?” David prodded, only half teasing. “Well, I had a fantasy. . .”

  “What was it?” Emily was curious, her voice dropped to a velvet purr. “Tell me about it big guy.”

  “Well, we were riding just about here, at just about this time of the evening and I reminded you of your fantasy of making love on a horse.”

  “What did I do?”

  “You blushed and looked around at the area we were riding in. I think you wanted to make sure we were well away from any houses or roads. I think you were wondering if you dared to do it. Then your silent decision was made and you removed your T-shirt without a word and tossed it on a fence post.”

  “Yeah, that’s gonna happen.” She laughed. “Not.”

  “Then while I watched in silent appreciation, you followed up it by removing your bra.”

  Emily snorted, there was no other word for it.

  “Before I was so rudely interrupted,” David laughed, “you managed to get Raider close enough to Target to reach over and unbutton my shirt. Then as I pulled it off you turned and loped Raider off, and I followed until we were back on my property.”

  “I was stunned by your actions, and I stopped to gather your shirt and bra before following you back to the ranch. I found you standing by the small arena. You had pulled Raider’s bridle off and turned him loose. As I rode up, you met my eyes and stepped out of your shorts and panties in one quick motion. I swear, even in a fantasy, my heart stopped.”

  “Then it went like this . . .” David continued with a wolfish grin. “You looked up at me with a challenge in your eyes and asked, ‘Aren’t you going to get undressed?’”

  “I said, ‘On Target? Are you serious?’ I was astonished.”

  “And you said ‘Well on Target, in th
e barn, in the hot tub, what the heck,’ you just grinned, ‘We could even do it in bed.’”

  “‘Or all of the above?’ I suggested.”

  “‘Or all of the above.’ You agreed.”

  “So I slid off my horse and gave you a leg up on him. I walked over, opened the arena gate, and stood there while you rode Target into the arena. You sat on the big horse and watched as I got undressed. I swung up behind you, and you put Target into his soft floating walk. I put my arms around you and gently teased your gorgeous full breasts. Pushing your hair aside, I nibbled on the back of your neck. Soon one of my hands lowered and began to tease your soft curls as you leaned back and savored the feel of my hardness behind you.”

  “With my support, you swung your right leg up on Target’s neck so that you were riding sidesaddle, but bareback. With my help you managed to turn so that you were completely backwards on the horse, facing me. You slid your arms around my neck, kissing me. Your legs were on top of mine and we were very close, indeed, to making love when we both realized something.”

  David paused. Dramatically.

  “What?” Emily demanded, aroused more than she wanted to admit. “Tell me!”

  “Well,” he paused, “we realized that the position we were in was really, I mean really uncomfortable.”

  “In fact you asked me ‘How can I be so aroused and so uncomfortable at the same time?’ as you moaned and leaned your head against my chest.”

  While David had been telling her this story, they had ridden home, reaching the barn.

  “What followed was the best.” David paused.

  “I’ll bite, what happened next?” Emily asked with a grin.

  “I said, ‘Well, you can’t say we didn’t give it a try. Why don’t we adjourn to the barn?’ And that’s what we did in my fantasy,” he finished.

  “Did we now?” Emily mused. “And isn’t it lucky that we’re at the barn right now?”

  “Sure is,” David grinned. “Wanna get naked and take advantage of me?

  “I sure do.”

  They went into the barn and put a heavy clean horse blanket and a stall filled with fresh straw to good use. Eventually they wound up in the hot tub. They made love again, gently and passionately in the bubbling water.

  Chapter Twenty

  After they went into the house Emily took a quick shower and pulled on one of David’s soft terrycloth robes. While she was getting ready David had opened a bottle of wine and started a fire. While he showered, Emily put some cheese and fruit on a plate. Together, they sat quietly in the den in front of the fire.

  “Emily,” David cuddled her in his arms while nibbling on her ear.

  She turned and looked into his eyes. “What’s up?”

  “You know I love you, and I know you love me.” She nodded silently, her eyes never leaving his. “There are so many things I love about you. You are so sweet and gentle. You are also sexy and uninhibited. I feel like you belong in my life. I even remember that when I first saw how caring you were with your parents, I realized you would be a wonderful wife and someday a wonderful mother.”

  “David,” she turned in his arms and kissed him, “I can’t imagine life without you.”

  Suddenly she broke off the kiss. “Mother?”

  “Don’t you want children?” David asked curiously.

  “I’m not sure,” Emily answered, thinking. “I mean in the future, of course, but I don’t think I want to start a family just yet. In a way, I feel I have enough to take care of now. It’s true my load has lifted a bit,” she sniffed, “without Daddy to take care of, but I still miss him, and I’m still dealing with mother, and moving here. I’m even still dealing with being a wife, a very happy wife, but it’s still all so new.”

  She gulped her wine then said, “People don’t always realize it but even good changes can be stressful.”

  David gently stroked her shoulder and said, “I know.”

  She leaned into his arms. “Somehow, I just can’t think of being responsible for another person right now. I mean, you’re a grown man and you take care of yourself and you’re still there for me, but a baby is so. . . Dependent, so helpless. I have to think it over, and we’ll talk about it again. That is, of course, if we still have a choice. I’ve sometimes been careless with my protection, and I’ve been pretty irregular lately.”

  “That’s probably just the stress from losing your father.” David held her gently but he was a little hurt by Emily’s reaction to the thought of having his kids.

  “What if it’s not?” she asked with a trace of panic. “What if I am pregnant already?”

  “Then I’d be overjoyed,” he told her grinning, then poked at her with his elbow. “But if you aren’t, well, we can work on changing that.”

  She thought a minute, smiling to herself. “I know I’d be ecstatic once I got used to the idea. But as far as planning to get pregnant, I think I want to postpone that for a little while if it’s okay with you. Anyway, I’ll leave it in God’s hands.”

  “He’s done a great job for us so far, and besides, we’re in this together.” David was relaxed again, realizing that her slight hesitation was not because she didn’t want his children.

  The next day Emily wasn’t feeling well. Her head was swimming as she stood up and she felt nauseous. The feeling passed fairly soon, but remembering the conversation from the night before all too clearly, she waited until she felt better and then drove into town to buy a home pregnancy test. She took the test as soon as she got home. It was negative. She wasn’t sure if she was relieved or disappointed. Relief won out, by a narrow margin.

  For the next few days she felt queasy off and on, but overall things were fine. She never mentioned the feelings to David. It wasn’t always in the morning, but just a general unease that came at odd times. She worked out and felt fine most of the time, but she couldn’t lose the few pounds she had gained.

  She rode and swam every day. She learned to drive the horse trailer and took Raider over to Frank and Lanie’s house to ride with their daughter. Cassie had recently turned 10, and she had an older horse that she rode in Western Equitation. Her trainer worked with Cassie and Emily, teaching them to look perfect on a horse, but the events bored Emily until the trainer started to work some new things. She began teaching Cassie and Emily how to ride in a trail horse event. Trail consisted of an obstacle course, walking over logs, backing between objects, walking over a rickety bridge, and through water, sometimes even a small jump, all of this was followed by railwork at a walk, jog, and canter. There was no set pattern, every event was different with course designs only limited by the course designer’s imagination. Emily enjoyed the trail event, and Raider seemed to have a talent for it.

  The other event she learned to enjoy was stock horse, which was run faster than most western equitation events. It consisted of cantering figure eights, running the length of the arena and sliding to a stop, and putting the horse into a spin, usually a full turn and a half.

  Cassie was a lively, fun girl with a great sense of humor. She was becoming one of the best equitation riders in her age group. Going to work with her trainer gave Emily a chance to get to know Cassie and her folks, Frank and Lanie, a lot better. It also gave her a wider knowledge of horses and horse show events. She decided to talk to David about showing Raider in stock and trail.

  Aside from all that, she went into the gym four times a week and did both cardio and strength workouts.

  During that time, she did a few photo shoots. Then she started working in the gym, helping new members get started. Nikki believed that having a plus-sized girl working in the gym might make it less intimidating for some of the heavier girls to join. So many gyms had staff that all had perfect bodies. Nick wanted everyone represented on her staff. She also encouraged everyone to take photos regularly and keep an album to track their progress.

  Emily also started thinking about going back to college and finishing her degree in Business Administration. She decided to try for
the next spring term. She wasn’t feeling sick exactly but she felt, well, off. And she was moody. Hopefully she’d feel better by spring.

  Slowly she began to feel better. She rode in a few horse shows and was doing really well with Raider. Since most of the shows had all the events in one arena, with the Western equitation classes in the morning and the gymkhana in the afternoon, she even rode in a stock and trail and began to do fairly well, usually placing in the ribbons. She even won the trail class a few times.

  A few months later, David asked her if she wanted to go with him to another overnight show, this time in Lancaster. She was eager to go. David managed to find a class in Trail that she could enter without conflicting with the gymkhana classes.

  As the day to leave for the show approached, Emily’s back began to ache. It was a sharp pain that came and went. She helped David load the trailer and rode with him to the show grounds without telling him about her backache. She wondered to herself if she had lifted something too heavy, or done it the wrong way. They got to the show grounds, unloaded the trailer and set up their stalls, putting the straw and feed in for the horses, hanging up tack and arranging equipment.

  They went to dinner and then checked into the hotel. Once she got to the hotel she felt much better. They made tender love, and fell asleep in each other’s arms.

  The next day she got up with David and went to the show grounds with him to feed the horses and clean out the stalls. After the horses finished eating, they groomed them to a glossy shine and saddled them up. They headed for the warm up arena, each working their horse slowly, walking and jogging until the horses were warmed up and limber.

  She took Raider through some rollbacks along the fence line of the warm-up arena. She was nervous because she had to ride in the senior event. She no longer qualified for novice. She knew she’d have to ride much better to win any ribbons at all.

  The show started and the first event was Keyhole. She had a good ride, but her time was too slow for a ribbon. She managed to place 4th in Single pole and 3rd in Pole bending. She concentrated and had a great ride in Quadrangle and earned a 2nd. Between events, she rested, trying to ignore the growing backache and an increasing abdominal pain. But during speed barrels Raider slipped and fell. It was her first fall and Emily lay in the dirt, feeling thousands of aches and pains, but she managed to stand up as she saw David running towards her, his face white with fear. She managed to calm him down and reassure him that she wasn’t injured, but she felt stiff. She got on and tried to ride Raider around but she was too stiff. Her backache was getting worse, too. After the fall, she told David she’d have to scratch from the afternoon events.